• Pro Tip to impress your wife:<br/>
Buy her dresses marked small and then act surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
    Pro Tip to impress your wife:
    Buy her dresses marked small and then act surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
  • This girl I met at the bar told me `Make me laugh and I'm yours`.<br/>
So I showed her my bank balance. I don't know why she walked away!
    This girl I met at the bar told me "Make me laugh and I'm yours".
    So I showed her my bank balance. I don't know why she walked away!
  • Certain beers give me terrible hangovers. I investigated and I think it's the 13th one!
    Certain beers give me terrible hangovers. I investigated and I think it's the 13th one!
  • No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it!
    No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it!
  • Happy birthday, dear Pisces buddy!<br/>
Fun fact: Astrology really pisces me off!
    Happy birthday, dear Pisces buddy!
    Fun fact: Astrology really pisces me off!
  • To all those people thinking they know English, here answer this:<br/>
A mother beats up her daughter because she was drunk.<br/>
Question is, who was drunk?
    To all those people thinking they know English, here answer this:
    A mother beats up her daughter because she was drunk.
    Question is, who was drunk?
  • Life without you is impossible. Life after you is unimaginable. Even after death, I want our souls to be reunited!
    Life without you is impossible. Life after you is unimaginable. Even after death, I want our souls to be reunited!
  • We can just make our day a good one or a bad one so easily, it's our attitude that makes a day good or bad.<br/>
So why not show a positive attitude and have a nice day!
    We can just make our day a good one or a bad one so easily, it's our attitude that makes a day good or bad.
    So why not show a positive attitude and have a nice day!
  • Doctor: How many mood swings have you been having?<br/>
Wife: Do you mean in an hour?
    Doctor: How many mood swings have you been having?
    Wife: Do you mean in an hour?
  • If I'm ever murdered, it will be because I said something absolutely perfect to someone with no sense of humour!
    If I'm ever murdered, it will be because I said something absolutely perfect to someone with no sense of humour!