|I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation...|
So he offered to touch-up my X-rays!
|Doctor: Good news! You are going to see your wife again.|
Patient: But she has been dead for 5 years.
|It's always in a doctor's best interest to keep his patients alive. It's more profitable that way!|
|One good thing about Veterinary Doctors is their patients...|
|Patient: Doctor, what happens after we die?|
Doctor: We clean the bed and admit a new patient!
|Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.|
Girl: I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but it looks like you are!
|A man woke up in hospital after an accident.|
He shouted, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replied, "I know you can't, because I've cut off your arms!"
|Proposed rate chart outside the doctor's cabin:|
My diagnosis.My treatment - 500
Your Differential diagnosis - 1000
Your google doubts - 1500
Your diagnosis. My treatment - 2000
Your diagnosis your treatment - 5000
|Doctor: I've found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.|
Patient: Great, how often do I have to take it?
Doctor: Every two hours!
|Doctor: Do you smoke?|
Patient: Yes, every day.
Doctor: Can we be friends?