• Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?<br/>
Candidate: I should be able to... I've had eight different jobs in the past three months!
    Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
    Candidate: I should be able to... I've had eight different jobs in the past three months!
  • I hate the part of the morning where I have to actually get out of bed and participate in real life!
    I hate the part of the morning where I have to actually get out of bed and participate in real life!
  • You never realize how ugly you are until you have to stare at yourself in the mirror while getting a haircut for 30 minutes!
    You never realize how ugly you are until you have to stare at yourself in the mirror while getting a haircut for 30 minutes!
  • Winters - the time of the year when you have an acceptable excuse to blame your laziness!
    Winters - the time of the year when you have an acceptable excuse to blame your laziness!
  • Stupidity - when people enjoy at your expense and you think they're happy in your company!
    Stupidity - when people enjoy at your expense and you think they're happy in your company!
  • My doctor just told me coffee doesn't count towards my daily water intake and now I'm questioning all of my life choices!
    My doctor just told me coffee doesn't count towards my daily water intake and now I'm questioning all of my life choices!
  • <b>There are two kinds of people:</b>
<br/>
1. Those who sneak snacks into the movie theater <br/>
2. Liars
    There are two kinds of people:
    1. Those who sneak snacks into the movie theater
    2. Liars
  • True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled!
    True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled!
  • Interviewer: What inspires you to get up in the morning?<br/>
Me: Susu... mostly!
    Interviewer: What inspires you to get up in the morning?
    Me: Susu... mostly!
  • My friend's wife was dancing on a table...<br/>
I said, `Good legs`<br/>
Friend: Do you really think so?<br/>
Me: Yes, most other tables would've collapsed under that weight!
    My friend's wife was dancing on a table...
    I said, "Good legs"
    Friend: Do you really think so?
    Me: Yes, most other tables would've collapsed under that weight!