|Issac Newton's laws are all faulty.|
For example, he said what goes up must come down, but my weight once goes up, never comes down!
|Willpower is the ability to resist temptation until you can be sure that no one's looking!|
|Having an online girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my stomach in!|
|All our friends decided to start exercising and to avoid junk food.|
So my wife and I also decided to go ahead and get new friends!
|Sometimes, life bites you in the butt.|
Thankfully, I have enough padding to take the hit!
|How to spot someone who's on a keto diet?|
You don't have to. They will tell you!
|Food is the only thing I'd stay up past 10 PM for!|
|How do you get Mexican food at the beach?|
Just dig your feet into the sand, then you will have buriedtoes!
|You think you have mental issues? There are people out there who think that running is fun!|
|I missed the alarm and couldn't go to the gym today.|
That's 10 years in a row now!