• Issac Newton's laws are all faulty.<br/>
For example, he said what goes up must come down, but my weight once goes up, never comes down!
    Issac Newton's laws are all faulty.
    For example, he said what goes up must come down, but my weight once goes up, never comes down!
  • Willpower is the ability to resist temptation until you can be sure that no one's looking!
    Willpower is the ability to resist temptation until you can be sure that no one's looking!
  • Having an online girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my stomach in!
    Having an online girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my stomach in!
  • All our friends decided to start exercising and to avoid junk food.<br/>
So my wife and I also decided to go ahead and get new friends!
    All our friends decided to start exercising and to avoid junk food.
    So my wife and I also decided to go ahead and get new friends!
  • Sometimes, life bites you in the butt.<br/>
Thankfully, I have enough padding to take the hit!
    Sometimes, life bites you in the butt.
    Thankfully, I have enough padding to take the hit!
  • How to spot someone who's on a keto diet?<br/>
You don't have to. They will tell you!
    How to spot someone who's on a keto diet?
    You don't have to. They will tell you!
  • Food is the only thing I'd stay up past 10 PM for!
    Food is the only thing I'd stay up past 10 PM for!
  • How do you get Mexican food at the beach?<br/>
Just dig your feet into the sand, then you will have buriedtoes!
    How do you get Mexican food at the beach?
    Just dig your feet into the sand, then you will have buriedtoes!
  • You think you have mental issues? There are people out there who think that running is fun!
    You think you have mental issues? There are people out there who think that running is fun!
  • I missed the alarm and couldn't go to the gym today.<br/>
That's 10 years in a row now!
    I missed the alarm and couldn't go to the gym today.
    That's 10 years in a row now!