|Your funeral is the one thing you will attend and miss simultaneously!|
|Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you!|
|A "lap" is a non-existent body part that imaginably exists only when you are sitting!|
|Have you ever realized that 9 minutes on the snooze are a lot faster than 9 minutes on the microwave?|
|Just realized that loudest word ever shouted is the word `quiet`!|
|If you're introvert and attractive, you're mysterious. But if you're introvert and ugly, you qualify as a weirdo!|
|I stress about stress before there's anything to stress about. Then I stress about stressing over stress that doesn't need to be stressed about. It's simply so stressful!|
|I prefer my dogs to people.|
Atleast, their shit comes out the right end!
|The internet is the only place where people talk endlessly to each other about how much they don't like talking to people!|
Not stabbing someone when you really want to!