• My wife has gone to her parents' place on vacation and I'm missing her so much.<br/>
So I went to KFC and picked a fight with the woman at the drive-thru window!
    My wife has gone to her parents' place on vacation and I'm missing her so much.
    So I went to KFC and picked a fight with the woman at the drive-thru window!
  • `Can you make me breakfast in bed?` asked the wife.<br/>
I said, `No, I'll have to go to the kitchen!`
    "Can you make me breakfast in bed?" asked the wife.
    I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen!"
  • An honest confession by a husband:<br/>
My wife is my strength. All the other women are my weakness!
    An honest confession by a husband:
    My wife is my strength. All the other women are my weakness!
  • What I said: Has the dishwasher run?<br/>
What she heard: What do you do here all day while I'm at work?<br/>
So anyway, how much chocolate cake is needed to say `I'm sorry for that thing I didn't say`!
    What I said: Has the dishwasher run?
    What she heard: What do you do here all day while I'm at work?
    So anyway, how much chocolate cake is needed to say `I'm sorry for that thing I didn't say`!
  • I came home to find my wife in a romantic mood and she said, `Today you can do anything you want.` <br/>
So I tied her up and...<br/>
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went back to the pub!
    I came home to find my wife in a romantic mood and she said, "Today you can do anything you want."
    So I tied her up and...
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    .
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    .
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    went back to the pub!
  • I got soft closing doors installed throughout the house so we don't wake the kids at night but now I have no way of telling when the wife is in a bad mood!
    I got soft closing doors installed throughout the house so we don't wake the kids at night but now I have no way of telling when the wife is in a bad mood!
  • The wife said, `You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?`<br/>
What a strange way to start a conversation with me!
    The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
    What a strange way to start a conversation with me!
  • Husband is giving an order to his wife...<br/>
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.<br/>
Yeah that was the joke!
    Husband is giving an order to his wife...
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    Yeah that was the joke!
  • Pro Tip:<br/>
Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday!
    Pro Tip:
    Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday!
  • Wife: Ugh I gained 3 kilos during vacation. What about you?<br/>
Me while looking at scale showing I actually lost a kilo, I gained 4 kilos!
    Wife: Ugh I gained 3 kilos during vacation. What about you?
    Me while looking at scale showing I actually lost a kilo, I gained 4 kilos!