• Meghan Markle - the only woman in the world who married a prince and then made him a frog!
    Meghan Markle - the only woman in the world who married a prince and then made him a frog!
  • Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?<br/>
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
    Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?
    Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
  • My 3 wishes:<br/>
1. To earn money without working.<br/>
2. To love without being hurt!<br/>
3. To eat without getting fat!
    My 3 wishes:
    1. To earn money without working.
    2. To love without being hurt!
    3. To eat without getting fat!
  • You don't get a body like mine overnight. It takes years of moderate...<br/>
alcoholism, neglect and numerous damaging beahviours!
    You don't get a body like mine overnight. It takes years of moderate...
    alcoholism, neglect and numerous damaging beahviours!
  • When your wife says `I can't even tell you how upset I am with you right now`, just wait for 3 seconds.<br/>
And here we go!
    When your wife says "I can't even tell you how upset I am with you right now", just wait for 3 seconds.
    And here we go!
  • I think my wife is trying to speak to me in French since morning. She is uttering words like...<br/>
Chanel<br/>
Dior<br/>
Hermes<br/>
Louis Vuitton<br/>
Lanvin<br/><br/>

very difficult to understand!
    I think my wife is trying to speak to me in French since morning. She is uttering words like...
    Chanel
    Dior
    Hermes
    Louis Vuitton
    Lanvin

    very difficult to understand!
  • Don't base your decisions on the advice of those who won't have to deal with the results!
    Don't base your decisions on the advice of those who won't have to deal with the results!
  • The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say, `Now you are Super Angry!`<br/><br/>

Maybe she'll laugh.<br/>
Maybe you'll die!
    The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say, "Now you are Super Angry!"

    Maybe she'll laugh.
    Maybe you'll die!
  • I have decided I'm going to avoid everything that makes me fat:<br/><br/>

Pictures<br/>
Mirrors<br/>
Scales!
    I have decided I'm going to avoid everything that makes me fat:

    Pictures
    Mirrors
    Scales!
  • I blame all the marriage problems that I have on my wife, because of her poor choice in selecting a husband!
    I blame all the marriage problems that I have on my wife, because of her poor choice in selecting a husband!