• Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
    Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
    ~ Author Unknown
  • Politicians and drapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
    Politicians and drapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • God writes a lot of comedy, the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
    God writes a lot of comedy, the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
    ~ Garrison Keillor
  • Adulthood is like losing your mother in the grocery store for your whole life.
    Adulthood is like losing your mother in the grocery store for your whole life.
    ~ Author Unknown
  • Some people are such treasures that you really just want to bury them.
    Some people are such treasures that you really just want to bury them.
    ~ Author Unknown
  • Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
    Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
    ~ Jackie Mason
  • Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
    Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    ~ Rodney Dangerfield
  • The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    ~ Ron White
  • A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    ~ Don Marquis