|Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.|
|I would make a terrible magician... because I can't make my wife disappear.|
|The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they're right if you love to be with them all the time.|
|A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.|
|Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder.|
|Marriage is the only actual bondage known to our law. There remain no legal slaves, except the mistress of every house.|
|You know what I did before I married?? Anything I wanted to.|
|Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:|
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
|90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. 10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.|
|The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.|