• I never drink alcohol...<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
without snacks!
    I never drink alcohol...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    without snacks!
  • One of the shortest wills ever read:<br/>
Being of sound mind. I spent all my money!
    One of the shortest wills ever read:
    Being of sound mind. I spent all my money!
  • How do you comfort a grammar fanatic?<br/>
Their, they're, there!
    How do you comfort a grammar fanatic?
    Their, they're, there!
  • Got up this morning and ran around the block five times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box!
    Got up this morning and ran around the block five times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box!
  • My phone really knows me pretty well. I typed `I hate` and it automatically added `people`!
    My phone really knows me pretty well. I typed "I hate" and it automatically added "people"!
  • When I told my wife I was looking at flights on the internet, she got very excited!<br/>
Which was odd as she's never shown an interest in darts before!
    When I told my wife I was looking at flights on the internet, she got very excited!
    Which was odd as she's never shown an interest in darts before!
  • How to make 1 crore in the stock market?<br/>
Start with 2 crores!
    How to make 1 crore in the stock market?
    Start with 2 crores!
  • What I said: Has the dishwasher run?<br/>
What she heard: What do you do here all day while I'm at work?<br/>
So anyway, how much chocolate cake is needed to say `I'm sorry for that thing I didn't say`!
    What I said: Has the dishwasher run?
    What she heard: What do you do here all day while I'm at work?
    So anyway, how much chocolate cake is needed to say `I'm sorry for that thing I didn't say`!
  • The doctor told me to relax and then freaked out when I took off my pants In his office.<br/>
Make up your mind, doc!
    The doctor told me to relax and then freaked out when I took off my pants In his office.
    Make up your mind, doc!
  • When you're in a bad mood, every bump on the road feels like a personal attack!
    When you're in a bad mood, every bump on the road feels like a personal attack!