|Dreams are renewable no matter what your age!|
|Newbie: Do you think my golf is improving?|
Caddie: Yes, you miss a lot closer now!
|Me: I wish I could go back in time and live with my parents.|
Wife: Aww, so cute. You miss them right?
Me: I miss them. And they'd pay off all my bills too!
|My girlfriend and I are having some communication issues recently.|
Whenever I try to call her, her husband picks up the phone!
|The law of averages is all bullshit.|
I've been married for fifteen years and I haven't won an argument with my wife even once!
|If you want to lose weight, you don't need exercise or diet. Just fall in love with the wrong person!|
|The reason so many geniuses come from ancient times is that back then, they had nothing better to do than study their subject!|
|Your parents told you to go to bed early when you were young not because you were tired because they were tired of you!|
|As we get older, birthday parties are less about presents and more about presence!|
|There is an ancient invention, still used in some parts of the world today, that allows people to see through walls. What is it?|