• Pretending to be sober in public is like doing your best impression of yourself!
    Pretending to be sober in public is like doing your best impression of yourself!
  • A girl agreed to go out with me because I gave her a bottle of Lemonade!<br/>
You could say, I Schwepped her off her feet!
    A girl agreed to go out with me because I gave her a bottle of Lemonade!
    You could say, I Schwepped her off her feet!
  • I used to be in a band called The Hinges.<br/>
We supported The Doors!
    I used to be in a band called The Hinges.
    We supported The Doors!
  • The doctor has advised me to add more fruits to my diet.<br/>
So I have started adding more lime to my tequila!
    The doctor has advised me to add more fruits to my diet.
    So I have started adding more lime to my tequila!
  • This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.<br/>
After 15 minutes of drive on the motorway, I realised I left my car at home!
    This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.
    After 15 minutes of drive on the motorway, I realised I left my car at home!
  • Waking up before the alarm has its own advantages. You can use that time to check your bank balance and get out of bed automatically!
    Waking up before the alarm has its own advantages. You can use that time to check your bank balance and get out of bed automatically!
  • The wife said, `You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?`<br/>
What a strange way to start a conversation with me!
    The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
    What a strange way to start a conversation with me!
  • Daughter is a beautiful part of you - magical, mysterious and always new;<br/>
Let's celebrate and have a blast today.<br/>
Wish you a Happy Daughter's Day!
    Daughter is a beautiful part of you - magical, mysterious and always new;
    Let's celebrate and have a blast today.
    Wish you a Happy Daughter's Day!
  • There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart!
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart!
  • Being around weed smokers doesn't mean that I smoke weed I just have friends in high places!
    Being around weed smokers doesn't mean that I smoke weed I just have friends in high places!