|Pretending to be sober in public is like doing your best impression of yourself!|
|A girl agreed to go out with me because I gave her a bottle of Lemonade!|
You could say, I Schwepped her off her feet!
|I used to be in a band called The Hinges.|
We supported The Doors!
|The doctor has advised me to add more fruits to my diet.|
So I have started adding more lime to my tequila!
|This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.|
After 15 minutes of drive on the motorway, I realised I left my car at home!
|Waking up before the alarm has its own advantages. You can use that time to check your bank balance and get out of bed automatically!|
|The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"|
What a strange way to start a conversation with me!
|Daughter is a beautiful part of you - magical, mysterious and always new;|
Let's celebrate and have a blast today.
Wish you a Happy Daughter's Day!
|There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart!|
|Being around weed smokers doesn't mean that I smoke weed I just have friends in high places!|