|My soulmate and I will likely never meet, since neither of us like leaving the house!|
|Pizza is a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left!|
|Being famous must be so hard they probably have to shave their legs like everyday!|
|If society let kids follow their dreams then there would be a lot more of astronauts!|
|It's funny how people quickly lose trust when searching for a TV remote. `Are you sitting on the remote?`...|
|My margin of error is limitless!|
|5 missed calls from the husband, and the wife thinks,|
"What could have happened?"
5 missed calls from wife, and husband thinks,
"What is going to happen?
|I went to the supermarket with my wife, and she called me lazy!|
I was that shocked I nearly fell out of the trolley!
|What do you call a lazy skeleton? |
|My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am!|