• My soulmate and I will likely never meet, since neither of us like leaving the house!
    My soulmate and I will likely never meet, since neither of us like leaving the house!
  • Pizza is a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left!
    Pizza is a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left!
  • Being famous must be so hard they probably have to shave their legs like everyday!
    Being famous must be so hard they probably have to shave their legs like everyday!
  • If society let kids follow their dreams then there would be a lot more of astronauts!
    If society let kids follow their dreams then there would be a lot more of astronauts!
  • It's funny how people quickly lose trust when searching for a TV remote. `Are you sitting on the remote?`...<br/>
No...<br/>
`Get up`!
    It's funny how people quickly lose trust when searching for a TV remote. `Are you sitting on the remote?`...
    No...
    `Get up`!
  • My margin of error is limitless!
    My margin of error is limitless!
  • 5 missed calls from the husband, and the wife thinks,<br/>
`What could have happened?`<br/><br/>

5 missed calls from wife, and husband thinks,<br/>
`What is going to happen?
    5 missed calls from the husband, and the wife thinks,
    "What could have happened?"

    5 missed calls from wife, and husband thinks,
    "What is going to happen?
  • I went to the supermarket with my wife, and she called me lazy!<br/>
I was that shocked I nearly fell out of the trolley!
    I went to the supermarket with my wife, and she called me lazy!
    I was that shocked I nearly fell out of the trolley!
  • What do you call a lazy skeleton? <br/>
Bone idle!
    What do you call a lazy skeleton?
    Bone idle!
  • My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am!
    My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am!