|I'm at an age where I need at least 3 weeks of advance notice before doing anything spontaneous!|
|Last night my husband had a bad dream and smacked me in the face. He was really sorry, but anyway I'll keep you posted on funeral arrangements!|
|Farmer: I love my job.|
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows.
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd!
|Good whiskey makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place!|
|If Amazon starts matrimonial services, they will soon become the No.1 site in the world...|
because they have a 30-day return policy no questions asked!
|They say follow your heart.|
I followed my heart and it led me to the wine shop!
|Words for a long, happy marriage:|
It's my fault
|People say the nicest things during first dates and funerals!|
|Clapping is literally just slapping yourself because you like something!|
|Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed?|
How could anyone stoop so low?