• I just had to chase a mugger down the street after he stole my wallet!<br/>
He really gave me a run for my money!
    I just had to chase a mugger down the street after he stole my wallet!
    He really gave me a run for my money!
  • Spiders are the only web developers that love finding bugs!
    Spiders are the only web developers that love finding bugs!
  • Early to bed, early to rise;<br/>
Gives a man more time to avoid his wife!
    Early to bed, early to rise;
    Gives a man more time to avoid his wife!
  • I quit drinking yesterday, but tonight...<br/>
I celebrate my comeback!
    I quit drinking yesterday, but tonight...
    I celebrate my comeback!
  • Life is short. Get up, walk up to your wife and tell her she's wrong.<br/>
Now life is even shorter!
    Life is short. Get up, walk up to your wife and tell her she's wrong.
    Now life is even shorter!
  • It's always in a doctor's best interest to keep his patients alive. It's more profitable that way!
    It's always in a doctor's best interest to keep his patients alive. It's more profitable that way!
  • If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!
    If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!
  • Funny how some men come on social media just to argue for their preferred leader.<br/>
These men simply do not have the guts to argue with their wives?
    Funny how some men come on social media just to argue for their preferred leader.
    These men simply do not have the guts to argue with their wives?
  • Half the day, I wonder if it is too late for coffee.<br/>
The other half, I wonder if it is too early for alcohol!
    Half the day, I wonder if it is too late for coffee.
    The other half, I wonder if it is too early for alcohol!
  • In college, I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill.<br/> 
Those were the darkest days of my life!
    In college, I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill.
    Those were the darkest days of my life!