|I just had to chase a mugger down the street after he stole my wallet!|
He really gave me a run for my money!
|Spiders are the only web developers that love finding bugs!|
|Early to bed, early to rise;|
Gives a man more time to avoid his wife!
|I quit drinking yesterday, but tonight...|
I celebrate my comeback!
|Life is short. Get up, walk up to your wife and tell her she's wrong.|
Now life is even shorter!
|It's always in a doctor's best interest to keep his patients alive. It's more profitable that way!|
|If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!|
|Funny how some men come on social media just to argue for their preferred leader.|
These men simply do not have the guts to argue with their wives?
|Half the day, I wonder if it is too late for coffee.|
The other half, I wonder if it is too early for alcohol!
|In college, I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill.|
Those were the darkest days of my life!