• Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you're honest with them, then you're an asshole.
    Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you're honest with them, then you're an asshole.
    ~ George Carlin
  • The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
    ~ George Carlin
  • Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
    ~ George Carlin
  • Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
    Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
    ~ George Carlin
  • Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
    ~ George Carlin
  • Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
    ~ George Carlin
  • The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
    ~ George Carlin
  • Religion is like a pair of shoes.Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
    ~ George Carlin
  • We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch tv too much. We have multiplied our possessions but reduces our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
    ~ George Carlin, 1937-2008
  • Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
    ~ George Carlin