• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start eating.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave it up - they have no holidays.
    I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave it up - they have no holidays.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
    What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother- in-law to the airport.
    ~ Henny Youngman
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