• One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
    ~ Jack Handey
  • I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    ~ Jack Handey
  • Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.
    ~ Jack Handey
  • To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
    ~ Jack Handey
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