• I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
    I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.
    I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • Unless I'm at a wedding, I don't like veiled threats.
    Unless I'm at a wedding, I don't like veiled threats.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I wear a wedding ring, though I'm neither married nor engaged. I do it to warn off predators like cougars. And grizzly bears.

    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I cried during my wedding, but my wife did not. That's natural, because I was losing my freedom, and she was gaining a slave.

    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I believe in a traditional wedding, with one guy, one girl, and one dad with a shotgun.

    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • A shopping cart flipped upside down forms a cage that I use to protect myself from consumerism.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.
    ~ Jarod Kintz