• My love comes in three sizes: Small, medium, and fully erect.Upload to Facebook
    My love comes in three sizes: Small, medium, and fully erect.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.Upload to Facebook
    It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I'm wearing a boxing glove, but I'm not a fighter. I'm a lover with a fist-like erection.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • Will work for food. Will work for sex. Will work for the weekend, but I won't work five consecutive days for it.

    ~ Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise
    Sex
  • Reading-it's the third best thing to do in bed.
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    Reading-it's the third best thing to do in bed.

    ~ Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible
  • She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I'd like to make love to.
    ~ Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title
  • Here is my naked body. Take a long look at what nobody else can look at. And hurry up, before all the spectators show up.

    ~ Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
  • They say a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. Perhaps that's why it takes me 18 seconds to sneeze.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • Who'd cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don't you go fuck yourself?

    ~ Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
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