• Don't tell my mother I'm in politics: she thinks I play the piano in a whorehouse.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."
    ~ Mark Twain
  • One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • In 20 years, you will be more disappointed by what you didn't do than by what you did.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
    ~ Mark Twain