• I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
    Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
    My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Cats are a waste of fur.
    ~ Rita Rudner
  • Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
    ~ Rita Rudner
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