|I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new ones!|
|Me: I want to be like Hemingway.|
Friend: A writer?
Me: No. An alcoholic!
|It's time to replace your heart with another liver, so that you can drink more and care less!|
We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video.
We need to talk!
|Vodka is just potatoes that made the right career choices!|
|After my fourth whiskey, I heard it whisper,|
"Now is the time to tell people what you really think."
|If a little wine does the body good then a lot of wine does the body better!|
|Every alcoholic has two sides to every story.|
His side and...
the right side!
|Because I can't afford a vacation.|
So I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am!
|Never take advice from me. You'll end up drunk!|