• I've never pretended to be something I'm not.<br/>
Except sober. <br/>
I've pretended to be sober before!
    I've never pretended to be something I'm not.
    Except sober.
    I've pretended to be sober before!
  • There are two types of people in this world. People you want to drink with, and people who make you want to drink!
    There are two types of people in this world. People you want to drink with, and people who make you want to drink!
  • An alcoholic is someone you don't like drinking as much as you do!
    An alcoholic is someone you don't like drinking as much as you do!
  • Do you know what rhymes with Friday?<br/>
Alcohol!
    Do you know what rhymes with Friday?
    Alcohol!
  • I drink very little.<br/>
And when I drink little, I become a different person & that different person drinks a lot!
    I drink very little.
    And when I drink little, I become a different person & that different person drinks a lot!
  • The lottery gives you a 1 in a million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.<br/>
Alcohol gives you 1 in 5!
    The lottery gives you a 1 in a million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.
    Alcohol gives you 1 in 5!
  • What did I learn today?<br/>
It turns out that I'm not addicted to alcohol... I'm addicted to hangovers!
    What did I learn today?
    It turns out that I'm not addicted to alcohol... I'm addicted to hangovers!
  • I can't really walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need me to drink the drink them I am all yours!
    I can't really walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need me to drink the drink them I am all yours!
  • World Cup 2018 result update:<br/>
VODKA 5 - PETROL 0
    World Cup 2018 result update:
    VODKA 5 - PETROL 0
  • Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others' looks!
    Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others' looks!