|I've never pretended to be something I'm not.|
I've pretended to be sober before!
|There are two types of people in this world. People you want to drink with, and people who make you want to drink!|
|An alcoholic is someone you don't like drinking as much as you do!|
|Do you know what rhymes with Friday?|
|I drink very little.|
And when I drink little, I become a different person & that different person drinks a lot!
|The lottery gives you a 1 in a million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.|
Alcohol gives you 1 in 5!
|What did I learn today?|
It turns out that I'm not addicted to alcohol... I'm addicted to hangovers!
|I can't really walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need me to drink the drink them I am all yours!|
|World Cup 2018 result update:|
VODKA 5 - PETROL 0
|Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others' looks!|