• Why is it that you wait 6 weeks for a doctor's appointment and then he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner"?
  • Some doctors charge so much, they should be called Feesycians!
  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter.
    Patient: Sorry, I don't follow you.
  • Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'can't stop stealing things.
    Doctor: Take these pills for a week and if they don't work, get me a 42-inch flat screen TV!
  • Patient: Doctor, I'm having trouble with my breathing.
    Doctor: I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that.
  • Doctor: You'll live to be 70.
    Patient: I am 70.
    Doctor: See, what did I tell you?
  • Doctor: Madam, your cheque came back.
    Woman: So did my arthritis!
  • Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
    Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
  • Doctor: So you swallowed a clock two months ago, why didn't you come to me sooner?
    Patient: I didn't want to alarm you.
  • Patient: I have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors.
    Doctor: Why didn't you come to me earlier?