• Doctor: So you swallowed a clock two months ago, why didn't you come to me sooner?
    Patient: I didn't want to alarm you.
  • Patient: I have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors.
    Doctor: Why didn't you come to me earlier?
  • A man to doctor, "Is there any medicine for long life?"
    Doctor: Get married.
    Man: Will it help ?
    Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts.
  • My dentist makes the best false teeth. They're so lifelike, they even ache!
  • Patient: Doctor, what's good for excessive wind?
    Doctor: A kite.
  • Doctors after operation and students after exam both tell the same answer;
    .
    .
    .
    We tried our best;
    Can't say anything right now!
  • The doctor put a stethoscope to the patient's chest. The patient said, "Doctor how do I stand?"
    The doctor replied, "That's what puzzles me"!
  • The doctor said to patient, "I want you take your clothes off and stick your tongue out of the window."
    "What will that do?"
    "Not much. But I hate my neighbour!"
  • Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal!
    Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal!
  • Patient: I feel so sick I wish I could die.
    Doctor: Don't worry. I'll take care of that!