|Friend: Nice fragrance, do you use Axe?|
Me: No bro. Ex used me!
|As a kid, I always wondered why my father used to bite his nails and stare blankly at a wall after winning an argument with my mother.|
Now, as a husband, I fully understand why!
|The irony of growing up, and no longer having to get up early to catch a school bus, is that you eventually have to get up even earlier to make sure someone else catches the school bus!|
|This morning, I accidentally ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.|
It's a small world!
|I couldn't find a parking spot at work today, so I went home.|
Looks like they had enough people!
|Let children believe in Santa.|
You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining that for you!
|A 75-year-old man was being punished by an Indian court for teasing a woman.|
While giving judgment, the judge said, "I can understand a 25-year-old man teasing a woman and am not against it, but a 75-year-old man doing is not acceptable. So you are punished".
The old man then said "Honourable judge, I did this when I was 25 years old. The court verdict came after 50 years"!
|Finally, I am in relationsleep.|
Please read again!
|Me: Alexa, make me feel good.|
Alexa: Bhai Tujhe Hi Dekh Rahi Hai!
|Girlfriend: Babu Mujhe Laptop Ka Wallpaper Change Karna, Sikhao Na.|
Pappu: OK! Pehle Computer File Main Jao.
Girlfriend: Chali Gayi.
Pappu: Ab Upar Dekho Kya Hai?
Pappu: Uss Se Latak Kar Mar Jao!