• Salty food makes you dehydrated.<br/>
Alcohol makes you dehydrated. <br/>
Human body is 70% water. <br/>
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This means eating chips and beer should cause weight loss. <br/>
There's something wrong with science!
    Salty food makes you dehydrated.
    Alcohol makes you dehydrated.
    Human body is 70% water.
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    This means eating chips and beer should cause weight loss.
    There's something wrong with science!
  • I could make a million jokes about cash machines...<br/>
I just can't think of one atm!
    I could make a million jokes about cash machines...
    I just can't think of one atm!
  • Bartender: Sorry, gotta cut you off.<br/>
Me: I'm not even drinking, I'm just eating nachos. <br/>
Bartender: That's why. It's upsetting the other customers!
    Bartender: Sorry, gotta cut you off.
    Me: I'm not even drinking, I'm just eating nachos.
    Bartender: That's why. It's upsetting the other customers!
  • Why are robots never afraid? <br/>
Because they have nerves of steel!
    Why are robots never afraid?
    Because they have nerves of steel!
  • A Senior Lawyer sent his junior to a court giving him instructions.<br/>
When the matter was called the junior asked the judge, `What is the time, My Lord?`<br/>
The judge got irritated and pulled up the junior. The junior said that he acted as per his senior's instructions.<br/>
`What did your senior instruct?` asked the judge.<br/>
The junior said that he was asked to ask for the time when the matter is called!
    A Senior Lawyer sent his junior to a court giving him instructions.
    When the matter was called the junior asked the judge, "What is the time, My Lord?"
    The judge got irritated and pulled up the junior. The junior said that he acted as per his senior's instructions.
    "What did your senior instruct?" asked the judge.
    The junior said that he was asked to ask for the time when the matter is called!
  • `BHARAT BANDH` on 21st August 2019 (Tomorrow).<br/>
All schools, colleges, offices and markets shall remain closed. Please inform all your friends, relatives, acquaintances & the Govt of India.<br/>
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Reason: Mera Mood Off Hai!
    "BHARAT BANDH" on 21st August 2019 (Tomorrow).
    All schools, colleges, offices and markets shall remain closed. Please inform all your friends, relatives, acquaintances & the Govt of India.
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    Reason: Mera Mood Off Hai!
  • I lose track of how many times per day I want to turn and say,<br/>
`you can't seriously be that stupid`!
    I lose track of how many times per day I want to turn and say,
    "you can't seriously be that stupid"!
  • Army Officer to Sarpanch: What the hell is going on? You said your village population is 500. We have rescued 1000 people from the flood by Helicopter so far, there are more to be rescued. How?<br/>
Sarpanch: Sir, they keep swimming back here, again and again, for the free Helicopter ride. Even I have jumped twice!
    Army Officer to Sarpanch: What the hell is going on? You said your village population is 500. We have rescued 1000 people from the flood by Helicopter so far, there are more to be rescued. How?
    Sarpanch: Sir, they keep swimming back here, again and again, for the free Helicopter ride. Even I have jumped twice!
  • Just realized that loudest word ever shouted is the word `quiet`!
    Just realized that loudest word ever shouted is the word `quiet`!
  • If you're introvert and attractive, you're mysterious. But if you're introvert and ugly, you qualify as a weirdo!
    If you're introvert and attractive, you're mysterious. But if you're introvert and ugly, you qualify as a weirdo!