-
Friend: Nice fragrance, do you use Axe?
Me: No bro. Ex used me! -
As a kid, I always wondered why my father used to bite his nails and stare blankly at a wall after winning an argument with my mother.
Now, as a husband, I fully understand why! -
The irony of growing up, and no longer having to get up early to catch a school bus, is that you eventually have to get up even earlier to make sure someone else catches the school bus! -
This morning, I accidentally ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.
It's a small world! -
I couldn't find a parking spot at work today, so I went home.
Looks like they had enough people! -
Let children believe in Santa.
You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining that for you! -
A 75-year-old man was being punished by an Indian court for teasing a woman.
While giving judgment, the judge said, "I can understand a 25-year-old man teasing a woman and am not against it, but a 75-year-old man doing is not acceptable. So you are punished".
The old man then said "Honourable judge, I did this when I was 25 years old. The court verdict came after 50 years"! -
Finally, I am in relationsleep.
Please read again! -
Me: Alexa, make me feel good.
Alexa: Bhai Tujhe Hi Dekh Rahi Hai! -
Girlfriend: Babu Mujhe Laptop Ka Wallpaper Change Karna, Sikhao Na.
Pappu: OK! Pehle Computer File Main Jao.
Girlfriend: Chali Gayi.
Pappu: Ab Upar Dekho Kya Hai?
Girlfriend: Pankha.
Pappu: Uss Se Latak Kar Mar Jao!