Friend: Nice fragrance, do you use Axe? Me: No bro. Ex used me! |
As a kid, I always wondered why my father used to bite his nails and stare blankly at a wall after winning an argument with my mother. Now, as a husband, I fully understand why! |
The irony of growing up, and no longer having to get up early to catch a school bus, is that you eventually have to get up even earlier to make sure someone else catches the school bus! |
This morning, I accidentally ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe. It's a small world! |
I couldn't find a parking spot at work today, so I went home. Looks like they had enough people! |
Let children believe in Santa. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining that for you! |
A 75-year-old man was being punished by an Indian court for teasing a woman. While giving judgment, the judge said, "I can understand a 25-year-old man teasing a woman and am not against it, but a 75-year-old man doing is not acceptable. So you are punished". The old man then said "Honourable judge, I did this when I was 25 years old. The court verdict came after 50 years"! |
Finally, I am in relationsleep. Please read again! |
Me: Alexa, make me feel good. Alexa: Bhai Tujhe Hi Dekh Rahi Hai! |
Girlfriend: Babu Mujhe Laptop Ka Wallpaper Change Karna, Sikhao Na. Pappu: OK! Pehle Computer File Main Jao. Girlfriend: Chali Gayi. Pappu: Ab Upar Dekho Kya Hai? Girlfriend: Pankha. Pappu: Uss Se Latak Kar Mar Jao! |