• Pro Tip to impress your wife:<br/>
Buy her dresses marked small and then act surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
    Pro Tip to impress your wife:
    Buy her dresses marked small and then act surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
  • This girl I met at the bar told me `Make me laugh and I'm yours`.<br/>
So I showed her my bank balance. I don't know why she walked away!
    This girl I met at the bar told me "Make me laugh and I'm yours".
    So I showed her my bank balance. I don't know why she walked away!
  • Certain beers give me terrible hangovers. I investigated and I think it's the 13th one!
    Certain beers give me terrible hangovers. I investigated and I think it's the 13th one!
  • No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it!
    No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it!
  • Doctor: How many mood swings have you been having?<br/>
Wife: Do you mean in an hour?
    Doctor: How many mood swings have you been having?
    Wife: Do you mean in an hour?
  • If I'm ever murdered, it will be because I said something absolutely perfect to someone with no sense of humour!
    If I'm ever murdered, it will be because I said something absolutely perfect to someone with no sense of humour!
  • Airport check-in:<br/>
Airline staff: I'm sorry, the flight is full today. We couldn't allot you guys nearby seats. Your seat number is 2A and your wife's 42D.<br/>
Husband: Thank you very much, do I need to pay anything extra for this service?
    Airport check-in:
    Airline staff: I'm sorry, the flight is full today. We couldn't allot you guys nearby seats. Your seat number is 2A and your wife's 42D.
    Husband: Thank you very much, do I need to pay anything extra for this service?
  • People often ask me how I smuggle chocolate into the cinema?<br/>

Well... I have a few Twix up my sleeve!
    People often ask me how I smuggle chocolate into the cinema?
    Well... I have a few Twix up my sleeve!
  • Lost another audio-book.<br/>
I'll never hear the end of it!
    Lost another audio-book.
    I'll never hear the end of it!
  • My boss wanted us to start the presentation with some sort of a joke.<br/>
So I attached my pay slip in the first slide!
    My boss wanted us to start the presentation with some sort of a joke.
    So I attached my pay slip in the first slide!