|Pro Tip to impress your wife:|
Buy her dresses marked small and then act surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
|This girl I met at the bar told me "Make me laugh and I'm yours".|
So I showed her my bank balance. I don't know why she walked away!
|Certain beers give me terrible hangovers. I investigated and I think it's the 13th one!|
|No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it!|
|Doctor: How many mood swings have you been having?|
Wife: Do you mean in an hour?
|If I'm ever murdered, it will be because I said something absolutely perfect to someone with no sense of humour!|
Airline staff: I'm sorry, the flight is full today. We couldn't allot you guys nearby seats. Your seat number is 2A and your wife's 42D.
Husband: Thank you very much, do I need to pay anything extra for this service?
|People often ask me how I smuggle chocolate into the cinema?|
Well... I have a few Twix up my sleeve!
|Lost another audio-book.|
I'll never hear the end of it!
|My boss wanted us to start the presentation with some sort of a joke.|
So I attached my pay slip in the first slide!