• A fun thing about parenting is you can even stress in your sleep!
    A fun thing about parenting is you can even stress in your sleep!
  • Life Stages:<br/><br/>
Teens: Wants to stay up past 10<br/><br/>

The 20s: Wants to go out after 10<br/><br/>

The 30s: Wants to be home by 10<br/><br/>

The 40s: Wants to be asleep by 10
    Life Stages:

    Teens: Wants to stay up past 10

    The 20s: Wants to go out after 10

    The 30s: Wants to be home by 10

    The 40s: Wants to be asleep by 10
  • My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead.<br/>
Her lips are looking quite beautiful but she's not talking to me!
    My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead.
    Her lips are looking quite beautiful but she's not talking to me!
  • Things I want: Snuggles <br/>
Things I get: Struggles!
    Things I want: Snuggles
    Things I get: Struggles!
  • If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, explain laundry!
    If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, explain laundry!
  • I'm making a fruit salad and the recipe says 'Pineapples - Five cubed'.<br/>
Now where on earth am I going to get 125 pineapples?
    I'm making a fruit salad and the recipe says 'Pineapples - Five cubed'.
    Now where on earth am I going to get 125 pineapples?
  • The best part about having big hips is closing doors to every appliance the house while I holding laundry baskets!
    The best part about having big hips is closing doors to every appliance the house while I holding laundry baskets!
  • There's a name for people who can't remember anything.<br/>
Those people are called parents!
    There's a name for people who can't remember anything.
    Those people are called parents!
  • There is nothing more hostile than writing `Friendly Reminder` in the workplace!
    There is nothing more hostile than writing `Friendly Reminder` in the workplace!
  • The look on my son's face, when he opened his Birthday present & saw it was flattened cardboard.<BR/>

I said `You did say you wanted an ex-box?`
    The look on my son's face, when he opened his Birthday present & saw it was flattened cardboard.
    I said "You did say you wanted an ex-box?"