• Friend: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 pushups, drank green tea and went for a 30-minute walk.<br/>
Me: Do you know what I did? I woke up and spent an hour just waking up!
    Friend: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 pushups, drank green tea and went for a 30-minute walk.
    Me: Do you know what I did? I woke up and spent an hour just waking up!
  • I always want to drown my problems but my girlfriend knows how to swim!
    I always want to drown my problems but my girlfriend knows how to swim!
  • I can remember song lyrics from 2006 but not whatever maths formula we were learning yesterday
    I can remember song lyrics from 2006 but not whatever maths formula we were learning yesterday
  • Every morning is a continuous cycle of wow I can't wait to go to bed tonight!
    Every morning is a continuous cycle of wow I can't wait to go to bed tonight!
  • It's a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife!
    It's a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife!
  • Pro Tip:<br/>
If you ask your best friend to come at 7 and he is there at 7 then he is not your best friend!
    Pro Tip:
    If you ask your best friend to come at 7 and he is there at 7 then he is not your best friend!
  • Revenge is NOT a dish best served cold. It's a dish best served as a series of great outfits, bomb selfies, and cryptic social media posts!
    Revenge is NOT a dish best served cold. It's a dish best served as a series of great outfits, bomb selfies, and cryptic social media posts!
  • Sonu Nigam may still have saved himself from the Maulvi after shaving his head;<br/>
but how will he save himself from Dr. Batra's e-mails now?
    Sonu Nigam may still have saved himself from the Maulvi after shaving his head;
    but how will he save himself from Dr. Batra's e-mails now?
  • During a heated argument, God may see everything,  but neighbours hear more!
    During a heated argument, God may see everything, but neighbours hear more!
  • I met a nice girl at the mall today.<br/>
Her name was 'No' and coincidentally her number was also 'No'!
    I met a nice girl at the mall today.
    Her name was 'No' and coincidentally her number was also 'No'!