|Friend: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 pushups, drank green tea and went for a 30-minute walk.|
Me: Do you know what I did? I woke up and spent an hour just waking up!
|I always want to drown my problems but my girlfriend knows how to swim!|
|I can remember song lyrics from 2006 but not whatever maths formula we were learning yesterday|
|Every morning is a continuous cycle of wow I can't wait to go to bed tonight!|
|It's a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife!|
If you ask your best friend to come at 7 and he is there at 7 then he is not your best friend!
|Revenge is NOT a dish best served cold. It's a dish best served as a series of great outfits, bomb selfies, and cryptic social media posts!|
|Sonu Nigam may still have saved himself from the Maulvi after shaving his head;|
but how will he save himself from Dr. Batra's e-mails now?
|During a heated argument, God may see everything, but neighbours hear more!|
|I met a nice girl at the mall today.|
Her name was 'No' and coincidentally her number was also 'No'!