• If you lend someone $20 and never hear from them again it was probably worth it!
    If you lend someone $20 and never hear from them again it was probably worth it!
  • The `J` in 'marijuana' is silent coz it was passed on to the next guy in the circle!
    The "J" in 'marijuana' is silent coz it was passed on to the next guy in the circle!
  • Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation!
    Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation!
  • People say they slept like a baby as if it's a good thing.<br/>
Waking up screaming every two hours doesn't sound that restful to me!
    People say they slept like a baby as if it's a good thing.
    Waking up screaming every two hours doesn't sound that restful to me!
  • That feeling when you're smart enough to know how awkward you are, but not smart enough to know how not to be awkward!
    That feeling when you're smart enough to know how awkward you are, but not smart enough to know how not to be awkward!
  • Myth: Earphones were invented so that you don't disturb others.<br/>
Reality: Earphones were invented so that others don't disturb you!
    Myth: Earphones were invented so that you don't disturb others.
    Reality: Earphones were invented so that others don't disturb you!
  • Coffee is proof that God wants you working long hours at that mind-numbing, thankless job!
    Coffee is proof that God wants you working long hours at that mind-numbing, thankless job!
  • Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything as long as you start a sentence by saying,<br/>
'Scientists have discovered that'!
    Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything as long as you start a sentence by saying,
    'Scientists have discovered that'!
  • I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon!
    I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon!
  • Learn to distinguish between a person who talks to you in their free time & a person who frees time to talk to you!
    Learn to distinguish between a person who talks to you in their free time & a person who frees time to talk to you!