Always shout "Honey, pizza is here" when the delivery guy comes so that he doesn't think you're eating it alone!
|Me: I want to travel.|
Bank Account: Yes, it's high time. Go to work now!
|Not to brag, but every time I strut out onto the beach women close their eyes and fantasy about me being...|
When a woman asks you for your advice, she just wants you to agree with her idea!
|If you anything on your mind then come let's drink about it!|
|What do you call a dinosaur with a very big vocabulary?|
|When I listen to my voice on a recording, I wonder who is dubbing for me in this horrible voice!|
|I always wanted my kids to love nature but not bring home every rock and stick they see on the road!|
|I suppose I better get up, get ready and hit the gym.|
Sorry typo, I meant gin!
|On my tombstone I want it to say:|
Eventually, we're all the same!