|If you lend someone $20 and never hear from them again it was probably worth it!|
|The "J" in 'marijuana' is silent coz it was passed on to the next guy in the circle!|
|Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation!|
|People say they slept like a baby as if it's a good thing.|
Waking up screaming every two hours doesn't sound that restful to me!
|That feeling when you're smart enough to know how awkward you are, but not smart enough to know how not to be awkward!|
|Myth: Earphones were invented so that you don't disturb others.|
Reality: Earphones were invented so that others don't disturb you!
|Coffee is proof that God wants you working long hours at that mind-numbing, thankless job!|
|Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything as long as you start a sentence by saying,|
'Scientists have discovered that'!
|I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon!|
|Learn to distinguish between a person who talks to you in their free time & a person who frees time to talk to you!|