|Myth: Earphones were invented so that you don't disturb others.|
Reality: Earphones were invented so that others don't disturb you!
|Coffee is proof that God wants you working long hours at that mind-numbing, thankless job!|
|Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything as long as you start a sentence by saying,|
'Scientists have discovered that'!
|I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon!|
|Learn to distinguish between a person who talks to you in their free time & a person who frees time to talk to you!|
|I've got a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them works!|
|Mom: We have donated all your toys to the orphanage.|
Mom: So you'll have something to play with them when we take you there!
|Late fees is strange. "Hey this person is struggling to pay this bill, let's make it more expensive!"|
Kid: Mom, am I adopted?|
Mom: No, not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you!
Never invite an arsonist to a housewarming party!