• In a zombie apocalypse, vegans will be the first to be eaten because they're organic!
    In a zombie apocalypse, vegans will be the first to be eaten because they're organic!
  • Alexa, go to the gym for me!
    Alexa, go to the gym for me!
  • Just ran some numbers and realized that I would have been the 46th richest man in the world if I didn't eat out this often!
    Just ran some numbers and realized that I would have been the 46th richest man in the world if I didn't eat out this often!
  • Not wanting to brag, but I've gained 92 pounds since body-shaming became taboo!
  • Chocolate is the best investment.<br/>
You buy 100 gms and you gain 2 kg!
    Chocolate is the best investment.
    You buy 100 gms and you gain 2 kg!
  • WANTED:<br/>
A good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. She shouldn't be too fast!
    WANTED:
    A good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. She shouldn't be too fast!
  • How am I supposed to lose weight?<br/>
When the best part about life is food!
    How am I supposed to lose weight?
    When the best part about life is food!
  • Two reasons why I'm fat:<br/>
1. I eat when I'm bored<br/>
2. I'm always bored
    Two reasons why I'm fat:
    1. I eat when I'm bored
    2. I'm always bored
  • Chocolate doesn't melt. <br/>
It's crying because you aren't eating it!
    Chocolate doesn't melt.
    It's crying because you aren't eating it!
  • Next time someone asks you how much you weigh?<br/>
Tell them one hundred and sexy!
    Next time someone asks you how much you weigh?
    Tell them one hundred and sexy!