|In a zombie apocalypse, vegans will be the first to be eaten because they're organic!|
|Alexa, go to the gym for me!|
|Just ran some numbers and realized that I would have been the 46th richest man in the world if I didn't eat out this often!|
|Not wanting to brag, but I've gained 92 pounds since body-shaming became taboo!|
|Chocolate is the best investment.|
You buy 100 gms and you gain 2 kg!
A good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. She shouldn't be too fast!
|How am I supposed to lose weight?|
When the best part about life is food!
|Two reasons why I'm fat:|
1. I eat when I'm bored
2. I'm always bored
|Chocolate doesn't melt. |
It's crying because you aren't eating it!
|Next time someone asks you how much you weigh?|
Tell them one hundred and sexy!