Insults SMS

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I must be a 'Proctologist' because I get to work with assholes!
You're as useless as the 'ay' in 'Okay'!
Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha."
I replied, "20 x 0 = 0!"
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can diet!
If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand and put it over your mouth!
Why do you think I SMS you so much? Is it because:
I care for you?
Or I miss you?
Or I love you?
Or I need you?
It's because I need an idle person for time pass!
Happy April Fool!
Boy: Wanna hear a joke? 
Girl: No thanks. I'm already hearin' one!
Boy: Wanna hear a joke?
Girl: No thanks. I'm already hearin' one!
Boy: Your teeth are like the stars.<br/>
Girl: Awww.Thanks, are they that much pretty?<br/>
Boy: No, far away from each other!
Boy: Your teeth are like the stars.
Girl: Awww.Thanks, are they that much pretty?
Boy: No, far away from each other!
Boy: How do I play the guitar?<br/>
Girl: You should be on TV for your talent.<br/>
Boy: Am I so good?<br/>
Girl: If you were on TV, I can atleast switch it off!
Boy: How do I play the guitar?
Girl: You should be on TV for your talent.
Boy: Am I so good?
Girl: If you were on TV, I can atleast switch it off!
Ultimate Insult:

A Boy texts a girl.
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Hi! What are you doing?
Boy: Texting the most beautiful girl of the world.
Girl: Aww How cute!
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Boy: Ya! But she is not replying so I'm texting you!

Quotes

I've learned so much from my mistakes... I'm thinking of making a few more.

Trivia

Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.

Graffiti

Work in bakery if you knead dough.