• Your face is like a cloud. Once it goes away, my day gets a whole lot better.
  • If you stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you.
  • I saw a garbage truck driving yesterday. You never told me you were moving.
  • Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
  • I hope 'Karma' slaps you in the face before I do.
  • I might look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times.
  • Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
  • WARNING:
    To avoid suffocation, keep my hands away from your neck.
  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
  • Sarcasm, because backslapping and stabbing the shit out of people is illegal.