|Teachers are in school from age 5 until they retire!|
|If you're famous you get assassinated.|
Otherwise you just get murdered!
|Someone should design a t-shirt where the bottom couple inches are made of that silky glasses-cleaning fabric!|
|Sometimes you just want to throw fertilizer at people so they grow up!|
|When our species indulges in the cat-and-mouse game, we often forget who the cat is and who is the mouse!|
Joining social media increases your risk of getting an STD - Socially Transmitted Delusions!
|Do you know it takes 43 muscles to frown, which is why my face looks so ripped!|
That feeling you get when you've run out of Coffee!
|Poor people play the casinos; the middle class plays the stock market; rich people play the government!|
|I have my summer body now.|
It's the same as my winter body, only sweatier!