• 
Teachers are in school from age 5 until they retire!
    Teachers are in school from age 5 until they retire!
  • If you're famous you get assassinated.<br/>
Otherwise you just get murdered!
    If you're famous you get assassinated.
    Otherwise you just get murdered!
  • Someone should design a t-shirt where the bottom couple inches are made of that silky glasses-cleaning fabric!
    Someone should design a t-shirt where the bottom couple inches are made of that silky glasses-cleaning fabric!
  • Sometimes you just want to throw fertilizer at people so they grow up!
    Sometimes you just want to throw fertilizer at people so they grow up!
  • When our species indulges in the cat-and-mouse game, we often forget who the cat is and who is the mouse!
    When our species indulges in the cat-and-mouse game, we often forget who the cat is and who is the mouse!
  • Warning:<br/>
Joining social media increases your risk of getting an STD - Socially Transmitted Delusions!
    Warning:
    Joining social media increases your risk of getting an STD - Socially Transmitted Delusions!
  • Do you know it takes 43 muscles to frown, which is why my face looks so ripped!
    Do you know it takes 43 muscles to frown, which is why my face looks so ripped!
  • Depresso:<br/>
That feeling you get when you've run out of Coffee!
    Depresso:
    That feeling you get when you've run out of Coffee!
  • Poor people play the casinos; the middle class plays the stock market; rich people play the government!
    Poor people play the casinos; the middle class plays the stock market; rich people play the government!
  • I have my summer body now.<br/>
It's the same as my winter body, only sweatier!
    I have my summer body now.
    It's the same as my winter body, only sweatier!