• Books would get a lot more suspenseful if we didn't know how many pages we had left!
    Books would get a lot more suspenseful if we didn't know how many pages we had left!
  • People say the nicest things during first dates and funerals!
    People say the nicest things during first dates and funerals!
  • Clapping is literally just slapping yourself because you like something!
    Clapping is literally just slapping yourself because you like something!
  • Nothing puts you in a bad mood like someone asking why you're in such a bad mood!
    Nothing puts you in a bad mood like someone asking why you're in such a bad mood!
  • If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!
    If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!
  • Being negative is great! You're either always right or pleasantly surprised!
    Being negative is great! You're either always right or pleasantly surprised!
  • On my tombstone I want it to say:<br/>
What a terrible place to end up for a guy who hates the outdoors!
    On my tombstone I want it to say:
    What a terrible place to end up for a guy who hates the outdoors!
  • The age when you are most useless (0-4 yo) is also the age when you get the most compliments!
    The age when you are most useless (0-4 yo) is also the age when you get the most compliments!
  • Monopoly is so realistic that only one person can have fun!
    Monopoly is so realistic that only one person can have fun!
  • People who can fall asleep quickly freaks me out.<br/>
I mean don't they have thoughts?
    People who can fall asleep quickly freaks me out.
    I mean don't they have thoughts?