|Books would get a lot more suspenseful if we didn't know how many pages we had left!|
|People say the nicest things during first dates and funerals!|
|Clapping is literally just slapping yourself because you like something!|
|Nothing puts you in a bad mood like someone asking why you're in such a bad mood!|
|If you see me talking to myself, do not disturb, I'm having a staff meeting!|
|Being negative is great! You're either always right or pleasantly surprised!|
|On my tombstone I want it to say:|
What a terrible place to end up for a guy who hates the outdoors!
|The age when you are most useless (0-4 yo) is also the age when you get the most compliments!|
|Monopoly is so realistic that only one person can have fun!|
|People who can fall asleep quickly freaks me out.|
I mean don't they have thoughts?