|If you can't follow the laws, you'll sure have to follow lawyers!|
|Overheard while sitting in a court, after a girl passed by.|
Advocate 1: She has a Supreme Court figure.
Advocate 2: What do you mean?
Advocate 1: No Appeal!
|A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"|
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator!
|Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife? |
Husband: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches!
|What's the problem with lawyer jokes?|
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes!
|"You've been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren't you ashamed to own to that?"|
"No, your honour. I don't think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions!"
|What is a contingent fee?|
If the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing;
And if the lawyer does win it, you get nothing!
|A lawyer says that a dangerous year in married life is the first. Then follows the second, third, fourth, fifth and so on!|
|What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?|
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight!
|Lawyer: Your honour, please grant me anticipatory bail.|
Judge: What have you done?
Lawyer: Your Honour, I have hired a new secretary!