Law and Lawyers

Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife?
Husband: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches!
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What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes!
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"You've been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren't you ashamed to own to that?"
"No, your honour. I don't think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions!"
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What is a contingent fee?
If the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing;
And if the lawyer does win it, you get nothing!
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A lawyer says that a dangerous year in married life is the first. Then follows the second, third, fourth, fifth and so on!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight!
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Lawyer: Your honour, please grant me anticipatory bail.
Judge: What have you done?
Lawyer: Your Honour, I have hired a new secretary!
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You seem to be in some distress, said the kindly judge to the witness. Is anything the matter?
Well, your honour, said the witness, I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects!
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Lawyer's Creed:
A man is innocent until proven broke!
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If you don't want to follow the laws, follow the lawyers!
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