Hubby: The bank has returned that check you gave to the jeweller.
Wife: Isn't that splendid! What can we buy with it this time?
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Wife: I' m going up-town this afternoon.
Hubby: Shopping?
Wife: No, I won't have time. I just want to get some things I need!
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For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called 'Ample'.
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I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the 'S'!
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"You complain that you have had to support your wife's family?" the court questioned the man seeking a divorce.
"Yes, your honor."
"How much of a family has she?"
"Four children, your honor."
"Who is their father?"
"I am, your honor!"
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Wife: It says the man was shot by his wife at close range.
Husband: Then there must have been powder marks on the body.
Wife: Yes; that's why she shot him!
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A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression... he just cleaned the whole house!
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Doctor: I would advise you, Madam, to take frequent baths, plenty of fresh air and dress in cool gowns.
Husband (an hour later): What did the doctor say?
Wife: He said I ought to go to the Bahamas; and afterwards to the mountains and to buy some new light gowns at once!
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The man who brags, "I run things in my house," usually refers to the lawn mower, washing machine, vacuum sweeper, baby carriage and the errands!
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Friend 1: My wife always has the last word.
Friend 2: You're lucky. Mine never gets to it!
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Bride: Mu hubby is perfectly wonderful to me, mother. He gives me everything I ask for.
Mother: That merely shows, my dear child, that you are not asking enough!
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October 2014
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