• Wife: Why don't you throw out all the useless stuff?<br/>
Husband: I am afraid, where will you go then?
    Wife: Why don't you throw out all the useless stuff?
    Husband: I am afraid, where will you go then?
  • Wife just called: `Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous.`<br/>
I replied: That's probably why they received flowers!
    Wife just called: "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous."
    I replied: That's probably why they received flowers!
  • This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.<br/>
I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore!
    This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.
    I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore!
  • My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.<br/>
Eventually, I told her to put a sock in it!
    My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.
    Eventually, I told her to put a sock in it!
  • I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.<br/>
My first wife left me. My second one didn't!
    I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.
    My first wife left me. My second one didn't!
  • Wife: I'll make you the happiest man on earth.<br/>
Husband: I'll surely miss you!
    Wife: I'll make you the happiest man on earth.
    Husband: I'll surely miss you!
  • Every husband is a farmer by default.<br/>
His survival solely depends on 'agree' culture... and 'agree' culture increase GDP (Gross Domestic Peace)!
    Every husband is a farmer by default.
    His survival solely depends on 'agree' culture... and 'agree' culture increase GDP (Gross Domestic Peace)!
  • My wife says I know just how to push all of her buttons.<br/>
Unfortunately, I still haven't been able to find the 'Mute Button'!
    My wife says I know just how to push all of her buttons.
    Unfortunately, I still haven't been able to find the 'Mute Button'!
  • My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. <br/>
And she couldn't do either!
    My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.
    And she couldn't do either!
  • Therapist: How would you describe your relationship with your wife?<br/>
Husband: She told me to tell you it's fine!
    Therapist: How would you describe your relationship with your wife?
    Husband: She told me to tell you it's fine!