• I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet.<br/>
It helps me understand why there's no money in it!
    I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet.
    It helps me understand why there's no money in it!
  • Wife's friend: Look, your husband is talking to a pretty girl.<br/>
Wife: Let him, I want to see how long he can suck his stomach in!
    Wife's friend: Look, your husband is talking to a pretty girl.
    Wife: Let him, I want to see how long he can suck his stomach in!
  • I told my wife that she looked sexy with those black fingernails.<br/>
But she's not believing it and still thinks that I slammed the car door on her fingers deliberately!
    I told my wife that she looked sexy with those black fingernails.
    But she's not believing it and still thinks that I slammed the car door on her fingers deliberately!
  • Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?<br/>
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
    Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?
    Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
  • When your wife says `I can't even tell you how upset I am with you right now`, just wait for 3 seconds.<br/>
And here we go!
    When your wife says "I can't even tell you how upset I am with you right now", just wait for 3 seconds.
    And here we go!
  • I think my wife is trying to speak to me in French since morning. She is uttering words like...<br/>
Chanel<br/>
Dior<br/>
Hermes<br/>
Louis Vuitton<br/>
Lanvin<br/><br/>

very difficult to understand!
    I think my wife is trying to speak to me in French since morning. She is uttering words like...
    Chanel
    Dior
    Hermes
    Louis Vuitton
    Lanvin

    very difficult to understand!
  • The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say, `Now you are Super Angry!`<br/><br/>

Maybe she'll laugh.<br/>
Maybe you'll die!
    The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say, "Now you are Super Angry!"

    Maybe she'll laugh.
    Maybe you'll die!
  • I blame all the marriage problems that I have on my wife, because of her poor choice in selecting a husband!
    I blame all the marriage problems that I have on my wife, because of her poor choice in selecting a husband!
  • I gave my wife some tips on how to wash the dishes better.<br/>
In other news, this Pril dish wash liquid is really starting to make my hands soft!
    I gave my wife some tips on how to wash the dishes better.
    In other news, this Pril dish wash liquid is really starting to make my hands soft!
  • I impress my wife by buying her dresses marked small and then by looking surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!
    I impress my wife by buying her dresses marked small and then by looking surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!