|I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet.|
It helps me understand why there's no money in it!
|Wife's friend: Look, your husband is talking to a pretty girl.|
Wife: Let him, I want to see how long he can suck his stomach in!
|I told my wife that she looked sexy with those black fingernails.|
But she's not believing it and still thinks that I slammed the car door on her fingers deliberately!
|Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?|
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
|When your wife says "I can't even tell you how upset I am with you right now", just wait for 3 seconds.|
And here we go!
|I think my wife is trying to speak to me in French since morning. She is uttering words like...|
very difficult to understand!
|The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say, "Now you are Super Angry!"|
Maybe she'll laugh.
Maybe you'll die!
|I blame all the marriage problems that I have on my wife, because of her poor choice in selecting a husband!|
|I gave my wife some tips on how to wash the dishes better.|
In other news, this Pril dish wash liquid is really starting to make my hands soft!
|I impress my wife by buying her dresses marked small and then by looking surprised when she says that it doesn't fit her!|