|Wife just called: "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous."|
I replied: That's probably why they received flowers!
|This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.|
I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore!
|My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.|
Eventually, I told her to put a sock in it!
|I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.|
My first wife left me. My second one didn't!
|Wife: I'll make you the happiest man on earth.|
Husband: I'll surely miss you!
|Every husband is a farmer by default.|
His survival solely depends on 'agree' culture... and 'agree' culture increase GDP (Gross Domestic Peace)!
|My wife says I know just how to push all of her buttons.|
Unfortunately, I still haven't been able to find the 'Mute Button'!
|My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. |
And she couldn't do either!
|Therapist: How would you describe your relationship with your wife?|
Husband: She told me to tell you it's fine!
|Husband: Where did I go wrong?|
Wife: You tried to correct me!