|Wife: I' m going up-town this afternoon.|
Wife: No, I won't have time. I just want to get some things I need!
|For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called 'Ample'.|
I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the 'S'!
|"You complain that you have had to support your wife's family?" the court questioned the man seeking a divorce.|
"Yes, your honor."
"How much of a family has she?"
"Four children, your honor."
"Who is their father?"
"I am, your honor!"
|Wife: It says the man was shot by his wife at close range.|
Husband: Then there must have been powder marks on the body.
Wife: Yes; that's why she shot him!
|A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression... he just cleaned the whole house!|
|Doctor: I would advise you, Madam, to take frequent baths, plenty of fresh air and dress in cool gowns.|
Husband (an hour later): What did the doctor say?
Wife: He said I ought to go to the Bahamas; and afterwards to the mountains and to buy some new light gowns at once!
|The man who brags, "I run things in my house," usually refers to the lawn mower, washing machine, vacuum sweeper, baby carriage and the errands!|
|Friend 1: My wife always has the last word.|
Friend 2: You're lucky. Mine never gets to it!
|Bride: Mu hubby is perfectly wonderful to me, mother. He gives me everything I ask for.|
Mother: That merely shows, my dear child, that you are not asking enough!
|Wife: I've got a lot of things I want to talk to you about...|
Husband: Good. I'm glad to hear it. Usually you want to talk to me about a lot of things you haven't got!