• For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called 'Ample'.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the 'S'!
  • "You complain that you have had to support your wife's family?" the court questioned the man seeking a divorce.
    "Yes, your honor."
    "How much of a family has she?"
    "Four children, your honor."
    "Who is their father?"
    "I am, your honor!"
  • Wife: It says the man was shot by his wife at close range.<br />
Husband: Then there must have been powder marks on the body.<br />
Wife: Yes; that's why she shot him!
    Wife: It says the man was shot by his wife at close range.
    Husband: Then there must have been powder marks on the body.
    Wife: Yes; that's why she shot him!
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression... he just cleaned the whole house!
    A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression... he just cleaned the whole house!
  • Doctor: I would advise you, Madam, to take frequent baths, plenty of fresh air and dress in cool gowns.
    Husband (an hour later): What did the doctor say?
    Wife: He said I ought to go to the Bahamas; and afterwards to the mountains and to buy some new light gowns at once!
  • The man who brags, "I run things in my house," usually refers to the lawn mower, washing machine, vacuum sweeper, baby carriage and the errands!
  • Friend 1: My wife always has the last word.<br />
Friend 2: You're lucky. Mine never gets to it!
    Friend 1: My wife always has the last word.
    Friend 2: You're lucky. Mine never gets to it!
  • Bride: Mu hubby is perfectly wonderful to me, mother. He gives me everything I ask for.
    Mother: That merely shows, my dear child, that you are not asking enough!
  • Wife: I've got a lot of things I want to talk to you about...
    Husband: Good. I'm glad to hear it. Usually you want to talk to me about a lot of things you haven't got!
  • Boys have fun by teasing girls then girls cry for a few minutes;
    And girls have fun by loving boys then boys cry for a lifetime!