• Wife just called: `Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous.`<br/>
I replied: That's probably why they received flowers!
    Wife just called: "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous."
    I replied: That's probably why they received flowers!
  • Life doesn't always give you the people you want;
    Sometimes it takes away the people you need the most!
  • You gain confidence and grow stronger by every experience in which you really push yourself to do something you didn't think you could do!
    You gain confidence and grow stronger by every experience in which you really push yourself to do something you didn't think you could do!
  • This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.<br/>
I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore!
    This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.
    I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore!
  • I hate when I finish two cheeseburgers, fries, and an apple pie...<br/>
then remember I was supposed to eat a handful of almonds!
    I hate when I finish two cheeseburgers, fries, and an apple pie...
    then remember I was supposed to eat a handful of almonds!
  • My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.<br/>
Eventually, I told her to put a sock in it!
    My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.
    Eventually, I told her to put a sock in it!
  • Being with no one is better than being with the wrong one because those who fly solo often have the strongest wings!
    Being with no one is better than being with the wrong one because those who fly solo often have the strongest wings!
  • Working out sucks but the results are awesome. Being lazy is awesome but the results suck!
    Working out sucks but the results are awesome. Being lazy is awesome but the results suck!
  • If you stand for a reason, be prepared to stand like a tree. If you fall onto the ground, fall like a seed that grows back to fight again!
    If you stand for a reason, be prepared to stand like a tree. If you fall onto the ground, fall like a seed that grows back to fight again!
  • I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.<br/>
My first wife left me. My second one didn't!
    I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.
    My first wife left me. My second one didn't!