|Man in lake: Help! Help! I can't swim!|
Drunk Santa on the park bench: So what? Even I can't play the harmonium, but I'm not shouting about it!
|Judge: Why were you arrested?|
Santa: For shopping early.
Judge: Well, that's not a crime. Anyway, How early were you shopping?
Santa: Before the shop opened.
|Banta: My 9 year old son told me a girl was yelling at him and he just sat there wondering what he did wrong.|
Santa: I think he's ready for marriage!
|Jeeto: Do you ever remember your dreams?|
Santa: Not since you f**king crushed them, no!
|Santa: I broke down and cried when my wife tried to commit suicide.|
Banta: It's natural - every guy would do that.
Santa: Quite right! That's the nicest thing she's ever attempted for me!
|Policeman (after the collision): You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn't you give her the road?|
Santa: I was going to, as soon as I could discover which half she wanted!
|Fisherman: You've been watching me for three hours. Why don't you try fishing yourself?|
Santa: No, I haven't got the patience!
|Banta: It is sickening way, my wife keeps talking about her Ex-Husband.|
Santa: That's nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband!
|Santa: My wife can't stop eating chips.|
Banta: What's wrong with it?
Santa: You don't understand. It makes her a liability at the casino!
|Santa: I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs".|
Banta: Go on. I am all ears.
Santa: The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so". I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now"!