• Man in lake: Help! Help! I can't swim!<br />
Drunk Santa on the park bench: So what? Even I can't play the harmonium, but I'm not shouting about it!
    Man in lake: Help! Help! I can't swim!
    Drunk Santa on the park bench: So what? Even I can't play the harmonium, but I'm not shouting about it!
  • Judge: Why were you arrested?<br/>
Santa: For shopping early.<br/>
Judge: Well, that's not a crime. Anyway, How early were you shopping?<br/>
Santa: Before the shop opened.
    Judge: Why were you arrested?
    Santa: For shopping early.
    Judge: Well, that's not a crime. Anyway, How early were you shopping?
    Santa: Before the shop opened.
  • Banta: My 9 year old son told me a girl was yelling at him and he just sat there wondering what he did wrong.<br />
Santa: I think he's ready for marriage!
    Banta: My 9 year old son told me a girl was yelling at him and he just sat there wondering what he did wrong.
    Santa: I think he's ready for marriage!
  • Jeeto: Do you ever remember your dreams?
    Santa: Not since you f**king crushed them, no!
  • Santa: I broke down and cried when my wife tried to commit suicide.<br />
Banta: It's natural - every guy would do that.<br />
Santa: Quite right! That's the nicest thing she's ever attempted for me!
    Santa: I broke down and cried when my wife tried to commit suicide.
    Banta: It's natural - every guy would do that.
    Santa: Quite right! That's the nicest thing she's ever attempted for me!
  • Policeman (after the collision): You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn't you give her the road?<br />
Santa: I was going to, as soon as I could discover which half she wanted!
    Policeman (after the collision): You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn't you give her the road?
    Santa: I was going to, as soon as I could discover which half she wanted!
  • Fisherman: You've been watching me for three hours. Why don't you try fishing yourself?
    Santa: No, I haven't got the patience!
  • Banta: It is sickening way, my wife keeps talking about her Ex-Husband.<br/>
Santa: That's nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband!
    Banta: It is sickening way, my wife keeps talking about her Ex-Husband.
    Santa: That's nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband!
  • Santa: My wife can't stop eating chips.<br/>
Banta: What's wrong with it?<br/>
Santa: You don't understand. It makes her a liability at the
casino!
    Santa: My wife can't stop eating chips.
    Banta: What's wrong with it?
    Santa: You don't understand. It makes her a liability at the casino!
  • Santa: I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, `Great legs`.<br/>
Banta: Go on. I am all ears.<br/>
Santa: The girl giggled and said with a smile, `Do you really think so`. I said, `Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now`!
    Santa: I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs".
    Banta: Go on. I am all ears.
    Santa: The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so". I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now"!