|Banta: I was sorry to hear you cremated your mother last week.|
Santa: We had to. She was dead!
|Bar owner: You can't stand here. You're blocking the fire exit.|
Santa: Don't worry. If there's a fire, I won't be standing here!
|Santa: My grandmother died on her ninety-second birthday.|
Banta: That's a long life. But how did she die? Any ailment?
Santa: No illness. She passed away when we were only halfway through giving her the birthday bumps!
|Jeeto yelled at Santa, "You're gonna be really SORRY. I'm going to LEAVE you!"|
Santa: Make up your mind. Which is it gonna be?
|Santa: After years of threatening to leave, last night my wife finally broke my heart.|
Banta: Oh my God! So she left/
Santa: No. She's staying!
|Immediately after his annual examination, Santa with a multitude of problems asked anxiously, "Doctor, how do I stand?"|
"That's what puzzles me!" replied the doctor.
|Santa: I can't seem to connect with my wife these days.|
Banta: It certainly leaves an emotional void?
Santa: Not really, She keeps ducking every time I swing!
|Santa to Banta, "Every night my wife puts a mudpack on her face and slices of cucumber over her eyes".|
Banta: Does it work?
Santa: No, it doesn't work. I can still tell, it's her!
|Santa pulls up at a red light beside a gorgeous young woman, smiles at her and lowers his window.|
The woman smiles back and also lowers her window.
"Ah", says Santa, "So you farted, too?"
|Santa to his pal Banta, "My wife and I are inseparable".|
Banta: It's really a news to me that you both love each other so much.
Santa: It's not that. Actually, it takes a lot of people to separate us when we're fighting!