• Cinderella would be bad at football. Her coach was a pumpkin.
  • Everything happens for a reason, the hard part is finding out what that reason is.
  • I am so so broke that I can't even pay attention.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.
  • When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
  • I have some time to kill, but not enough to dispose of the bodies.