• Diplomacy is being able to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.
  • Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
  • It's hard to wait for the right person in your life, especially when the wrong ones are so sexy.
  • Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
  • When blondes have more fun do they know it?
  • I drive like lightning. I hit trees.
  • I can resist everything except temptation.
  • Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings.
  • A hospital bed is like a parked taxi with the meter running.
  • Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.