• Marriage is nature's way of stopping people from fighting with strangers.
  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
  • Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  • My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. Together we make mud.
  • We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
  • An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.
  • I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
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