• Wife: Do I look fat?<br/>
Husband: Do I look stupid to answer that?
    Wife: Do I look fat?
    Husband: Do I look stupid to answer that?
  • When my wife makes me angry, I look at her through the fork and pretend she's in jail.<br/>
It heals me spiritually!
    When my wife makes me angry, I look at her through the fork and pretend she's in jail.
    It heals me spiritually!
  • All married men say after many years of marriage:<br/>
`Our marriage is based on trust and understanding.`<br/>
She doesn't trust me and I don't understand her!
    All married men say after many years of marriage:
    "Our marriage is based on trust and understanding."
    She doesn't trust me and I don't understand her!
  • My wife's left me because I've eaten far too much chocolate over the Christmas period. <br/>
I think this calls for a celebration!
    My wife's left me because I've eaten far too much chocolate over the Christmas period.
    I think this calls for a celebration!
  • Friend: In which field, does your husband work?<br/>
Wife: Oil & Gas.<br/>
Friend: Wow... where is he based?<br/>
Wife: Kitchen!
    Friend: In which field, does your husband work?
    Wife: Oil & Gas.
    Friend: Wow... where is he based?
    Wife: Kitchen!
  • Life was so simple before I got married.<br/>
I had absolutely no idea that there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge!
    Life was so simple before I got married.
    I had absolutely no idea that there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge!
  • Advice for married people<br/>
Never laugh at your wife's choices... because you are one of them.<br/>
Never be proud of your choices... your wife is one of them!
    Advice for married people
    Never laugh at your wife's choices... because you are one of them.
    Never be proud of your choices... your wife is one of them!
  • I'm not saying my wife is ugly but...<br/>
She's just been next door to tell the neighbours to turn their TV down and they gave her some sweets!
    I'm not saying my wife is ugly but...
    She's just been next door to tell the neighbours to turn their TV down and they gave her some sweets!
  • A refresher for ladies:<br/>
A question was asked why women don't confide in their husbands about their problems and frustrations.<br/>
Someone answered, `You cannot discuss your Malaria with the Mosquito`!
    A refresher for ladies:
    A question was asked why women don't confide in their husbands about their problems and frustrations.
    Someone answered, "You cannot discuss your Malaria with the Mosquito"!
  • My wife apologised for the first time ever today! <br/>
She said she's sorry she ever married me!
    My wife apologised for the first time ever today!
    She said she's sorry she ever married me!