• My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
    ~ Woody Allen
  • I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
    I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
    ~ W. C. Fields
  • I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
    I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
    ~ Rodney Dangerfield
  • Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    ~ Michael Sinz
  • With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.
    It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
    ~ Robin Williams
  • Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
    ~ George Carlin
  • Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
    ~ Dorothy Parker
  • An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
    ~ Aldous Huxley
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