My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. |
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted. |
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again. |
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. |
With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. |
It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food. |
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. |
Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? |
Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life. |
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. |