Funny Quotes Adult and Non veg Restricted

• My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

  ~ Woody Allen
  Funny
• 

  I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

  ~ W. C. Fields
  Funny
• 

  I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

  ~ Rodney Dangerfield
  Funny
• 

  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

  ~ Michael Sinz
  Funny

• With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.

  ~ Jarod Kintz
  Funny / Sex
• 

  It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.

  ~ Jarod Kintz
  Funny

• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

  ~ Robin Williams
  Funny / Celebrity

• Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?

  ~ George Carlin
  Funny / Fuck

• Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.

  ~ Dorothy Parker
  Funny / Fuck / Life

• An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

  ~ Aldous Huxley
  Funny / Sex