• I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    ~ Rodney Dangerfield
  • The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    ~ Ron White
  • A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    ~ Don Marquis
  • I value comedy. I value somebody who can be funny.
    ~ James L. Brooks
  • My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
    ~ Mitch Hedberg
  • I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
    Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard
  • Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
    ~ Cary Grant
  • Ninety per cent of the politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation.
    Ninety per cent of the politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation.
    ~ Henry Kissinger
  • Love is an ocean of emotions, entirely surrounded by expenses.
    Love is an ocean of emotions, entirely surrounded by expenses.
    ~ Lord Dewar
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