• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
    ~ Albert Einstein
  • A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
    ~ Laurence J. Peter
  • I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
    ~ Ellen Degeneres
  • I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
    ~ Author Unknown
  • I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
    ~ Rodney Dangerfield
  • The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    The next time you have a thought... let it go.
    ~ Ron White
  • A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    ~ Don Marquis
  • I value comedy. I value somebody who can be funny.
    ~ James L. Brooks
  • My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
    ~ Mitch Hedberg
  • I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
    ~ Henny Youngman